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Collecting scars that don't seem to fade

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Last night I discovered that a friend of 15+ years has blocked me on Facebook.

We had a disagreement and haven’t spoken since October, so this isn’t completely “out of nowhere” – while also feeling like it is, because after all these months, why the sudden finality of not just unfriending but blocking?

I don’t really want to talk about it, there is both nothing and too much to say.

The end of a long friendship is so weird and hard and I have been full of grief for months. The end of a romantic relationship feels like it has a script, societal expectations, people know how to react to it, it’s often easy-ish to explain to people. A 15 year friendship? Nothing. No guideposts. No explanations that aren’t both more and less than what I want to say.

Today, like nearly every Friday, has been brutally slow at work, which has given me far too much time to dwell on this whole situation. 40 minutes left, then home to turn off my brain with some Warcraft. Tomorrow I have a nail appointment and a pool party to look forward to.

Onward, I suppose.

2 responses to “Now you’re just somebody that I used to know”

  1. […] entry into this event has been a bit weird this year. The former friend from my previous post is someone I used to road trip to Pennsic with, and I have so many memories of this event tied up […]

  2. I’m sorry to hear about that interaction. I can really relate to this lack of guidance in terms of what to do when friendships, especially long ones, end.

    A few years ago, I met up with a friend that I’ve known for eight years and all seemed fine, just like our usual interactions, but then afterwards, she was gone out of my life. No contact, no messages, I was starting to get worried. This happened before that, too, when someone in their life passed away and they told me that me reaching out and checking in, even with no replies from their side, gave them strength and that it helped them…
    So, I did just that, thinking that they’re going through a tough time and that they’re probably feeling lonely.

    And eventually, they left me a big message stating that they wanted to cut ties and not be in contact anymore. According to them, communicating this beforehand would have led to arguments or whatever – which hurt because they should have known that I’d listen and take it all in.

    Either way, they blamed me for something I didn’t do and it felt like they didn’t know me at all, even after that much time.

    And well, to this day, I can’t really find IRL friendships like that anymore where you can talk for hours and hang out, and whenever a friendship with a new person doesn’t work out, I get reminded that I lost a friend. Moving on is difficult, too.

    So, yeah, it’s not quite the same but to a degree, I can relate and I hope you feel better soon. If you wanna vent or talk, my e-mail should be linked.

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